Evidence is surfacing that H1N1 has actually mutated into H1Z1! The Zombie Apocalypse is upon us!
I, for one, am stockpiling shotgun shells, gas and 2-stroke oil for my chainsaw, about 100 bottles of vodka to make Molotov Cocktails with, and anything else I might be able to use to defend myself from the putrescent horde.
This very well could be it, my friends. The day of the Zombie is upon us!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
So now what?
I got a phone call a little while ago. A phone call I was not very pleased with.
Looking at my cell, the number was familiar only in that it was the base switchboard. I always hate answering these calls because they are almost always either my boss needing me to come back in or the clinic calling to tell me how many ways my body is rebelling against youth and good health.
It was the latter.
"Mr. Guhrilla? This is 'Nan' from the base Clinic calling you to tell you that you have a referral to Orthopedics."
"What? Why do I have that?" I asked, fighting that 'wonderful' feeling of my stomach clenching as I tried valiantly to keep it from crawling up my throat by way of my spine. My eyes actually began to tear up. A referral.
"They didn't tell you?" This, she asked with just as glib a voice as the one she used to announce to me that I had been "referred."
"No ma'am, they didn't."
"We got the results from your MRI and you have a bulging disc."
Now I ask you, who, in their right mind, calls an almost middle-aged man who has been suffering with extreme lower back pain for months (at this point) and tells him, over the phone no less, "Oh by the way, you're on the path to life-long pain, discomfort, eternal physical therapy and we might be able to throw in repeated surgeries, too! YAY!"
I could almost visualize Miss Super Happy jumping up and down and clapping as she dropped what, to me, felt like a virtual death sentence in my lap. I swear I heard her office-mates blowing on those obnoxious party whistles and the rustle of confetti in the background as she dumped an uncertain but constantly painful future square in my lap.
I realize a bulging disc isn't the end of the world, but you have to realize, I have always been the guy who, when no one else in the shop could pick it up, would simply walk over, lift the offending item and nonchalantly ask, "Where do you want it?"
Now I'm the guy who limps and hunches over a little because his back can't stand to stand straight and take long steps. I can't sit in one position for too long, I can't stand for too long - heck, I have to take a painkiller and a muscle relaxer just to be able to sleep fitfully and wake up miserable.
Always been strong as a horse - always. And now this. Is this the punishment I deserve for growing one more year older? Is this the curse I deserve for wanting to be that strong, virile man for ever and ever?
Well, damn it, I am NOT going to take this lying down. No. I am going to fight. I am going to win, too. It is MY body, damn it, and I refuse to let it tell me how to survive. I am going to find a way to fix this doggone disc, even if it means a rusty X-acto and a mallet! I refuse to let this break me!
Now, where's that box that needs to be put up on that shelf. I'll ...
go lie down and rest and then supervise my son as he puts it where it belongs.
Damn.
Looking at my cell, the number was familiar only in that it was the base switchboard. I always hate answering these calls because they are almost always either my boss needing me to come back in or the clinic calling to tell me how many ways my body is rebelling against youth and good health.
It was the latter.
"Mr. Guhrilla? This is 'Nan' from the base Clinic calling you to tell you that you have a referral to Orthopedics."
"What? Why do I have that?" I asked, fighting that 'wonderful' feeling of my stomach clenching as I tried valiantly to keep it from crawling up my throat by way of my spine. My eyes actually began to tear up. A referral.
"They didn't tell you?" This, she asked with just as glib a voice as the one she used to announce to me that I had been "referred."
"No ma'am, they didn't."
"We got the results from your MRI and you have a bulging disc."
Now I ask you, who, in their right mind, calls an almost middle-aged man who has been suffering with extreme lower back pain for months (at this point) and tells him, over the phone no less, "Oh by the way, you're on the path to life-long pain, discomfort, eternal physical therapy and we might be able to throw in repeated surgeries, too! YAY!"
I could almost visualize Miss Super Happy jumping up and down and clapping as she dropped what, to me, felt like a virtual death sentence in my lap. I swear I heard her office-mates blowing on those obnoxious party whistles and the rustle of confetti in the background as she dumped an uncertain but constantly painful future square in my lap.
I realize a bulging disc isn't the end of the world, but you have to realize, I have always been the guy who, when no one else in the shop could pick it up, would simply walk over, lift the offending item and nonchalantly ask, "Where do you want it?"
Now I'm the guy who limps and hunches over a little because his back can't stand to stand straight and take long steps. I can't sit in one position for too long, I can't stand for too long - heck, I have to take a painkiller and a muscle relaxer just to be able to sleep fitfully and wake up miserable.
Always been strong as a horse - always. And now this. Is this the punishment I deserve for growing one more year older? Is this the curse I deserve for wanting to be that strong, virile man for ever and ever?
Well, damn it, I am NOT going to take this lying down. No. I am going to fight. I am going to win, too. It is MY body, damn it, and I refuse to let it tell me how to survive. I am going to find a way to fix this doggone disc, even if it means a rusty X-acto and a mallet! I refuse to let this break me!
Now, where's that box that needs to be put up on that shelf. I'll ...
go lie down and rest and then supervise my son as he puts it where it belongs.
Damn.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Swine flu?
I don't think so - I believe its actually the beginning of the Zombie Apocalypse!
I am putting together my Zombie survival kit now!!!
I am putting together my Zombie survival kit now!!!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
My summer goal
http://www.fotp.com/ringthepeak/index.html
I am going to hike the Ring the Peak trail system counter-clockwise in a single trip. I will backpack it, to be precise, and, as it's 63 miles, my goal will be to do so in approximately a week, camping at the end of each day.
So now my thinking is on the logistics involved, namely, packing enough nutrition to finish the week strong, whether or not to try and bring my son, even whether or not I could manage to haul enough weight to bring the dogs.
Looking at the trail maps (linked above), there are several spots where I could simply cache additional supplies, however, I think the greater challenge (and more appreciable one) would be to carry everything that I need with me.
Then there's the one section of non-existent trail from Gillett to Forest Service Road 376. DO I make like the pioneers and simply hoof it, making sure I'm on the right side of the Forest Service road before I decide to camp? Or do I simply forgo that section of trail, arrange to be picked up and ferried to the next finished segment? My gut says hoof it - make the walk - it is Public Land, just no right of way agreement with the city of Colorado Springs, and be sure I camp back on Forest Service land.
Other logistical questions are easier to answer - Brita makes an outstanding backpacker's water filter, and I own a super lightweight backpacker's stove should it come down to boiling my drinking water. A pack, clothing, tent and sleeping bag are all simple, too. Should I bring the boy, a second pack so that he could carry his share would certainly not be a problem, either. Convincing him that he's capable of 10 or so miles per day is another matter - but we'd be averaging 2.5-3 miles per hour, barring stops for photos and the like, so I doubt it would be too big an issue for him.
Thinking about it, I doubt I would bring the dogs. Too much trouble for a first time trek like this - it would be best to know the trail and the capabilities of both me and the boy before I made the hike.
Hmm ... I like the idea of making this trip ...
I am going to hike the Ring the Peak trail system counter-clockwise in a single trip. I will backpack it, to be precise, and, as it's 63 miles, my goal will be to do so in approximately a week, camping at the end of each day.
So now my thinking is on the logistics involved, namely, packing enough nutrition to finish the week strong, whether or not to try and bring my son, even whether or not I could manage to haul enough weight to bring the dogs.
Looking at the trail maps (linked above), there are several spots where I could simply cache additional supplies, however, I think the greater challenge (and more appreciable one) would be to carry everything that I need with me.
Then there's the one section of non-existent trail from Gillett to Forest Service Road 376. DO I make like the pioneers and simply hoof it, making sure I'm on the right side of the Forest Service road before I decide to camp? Or do I simply forgo that section of trail, arrange to be picked up and ferried to the next finished segment? My gut says hoof it - make the walk - it is Public Land, just no right of way agreement with the city of Colorado Springs, and be sure I camp back on Forest Service land.
Other logistical questions are easier to answer - Brita makes an outstanding backpacker's water filter, and I own a super lightweight backpacker's stove should it come down to boiling my drinking water. A pack, clothing, tent and sleeping bag are all simple, too. Should I bring the boy, a second pack so that he could carry his share would certainly not be a problem, either. Convincing him that he's capable of 10 or so miles per day is another matter - but we'd be averaging 2.5-3 miles per hour, barring stops for photos and the like, so I doubt it would be too big an issue for him.
Thinking about it, I doubt I would bring the dogs. Too much trouble for a first time trek like this - it would be best to know the trail and the capabilities of both me and the boy before I made the hike.
Hmm ... I like the idea of making this trip ...
Thursday, April 02, 2009
The story of the volcano and how Raven grieved for his old friend
In the woods of the great Northwest lived a man and a teacher. His many years imparted wisdom to him and he, in turn, shared this wisdom with his children and the children of his children.
This teaching man liked to teach his grandchildren best of all. He taught them how to speak, how to write, how to listen and how to hear. He taught them how to fish, because fishing is the way of the people of the woods of the great Northwest.
This teaching man taught Raven's people as well. He made a way for them to have magical boxes which connected them to all of the world even when they lived so far North that in the summer the sun never set and in the winter the sun never rose. The teaching man sent his daughter to deliver the boxes. With these boxes the world of the people of Raven grew smaller, and their reach across that world grew larger.
Raven often visited the teaching man, sitting high in a tree by his house, croaking and cackling as he watched over this friend who helped make the world smaller. Raven wondered at the man's patience and caring. Raven admired his dedication to his children and his children's children and in time, even their children.
One day, the teaching man began to feel the weight of his wise years. Raven noticed that the man walked less and had to sit more, yet still the man cared and taught and he would even take sweats in a tee-pee next to his house, to talk to Raven and the other spirits. Raven smiled, knowing that the man was a wonderful man, but a man nonetheless, and that his time grew short on the earth.
Raven decided, as this man's time on earth waned, that he would wake the volcano to commemorate the greatness of the teaching man. Flapping his mighty wings, Raven flew down to the volcano and spoke to it of the great love which the teaching man shared with his family. The volcano awoke and began to shudder with tears, for the words of Raven about the teaching man touched his heart. As Raven left, the volcano promised that it would commemorate the teaching man appropriately, and the ash from his tears as they roiled inside the mountain began to kiss the sky of the world of men in commemoration of the waning of the teaching man.
This is why, whenever a great friend of Raven begins to pass, the volcano awakes and begins to mourn, and even the snow which falls from the sky carries a gray pallor. Because Raven gave the gift of his memory of the teaching man, Raymond, to his friend the volcano as Raymond's life began to slip away from his body. This is why Mt. Redoubt is erupting and showering the people with ashes. Soon, Raymond's ashes will join those of the volcano and the Raven will enjoy his friend's company forever.
Grandfather, I love you and I thank you for the years of wisdom you shared with me. I pray that I can touch as many lives during my life as you have during yours.
Joaquin
This teaching man liked to teach his grandchildren best of all. He taught them how to speak, how to write, how to listen and how to hear. He taught them how to fish, because fishing is the way of the people of the woods of the great Northwest.
This teaching man taught Raven's people as well. He made a way for them to have magical boxes which connected them to all of the world even when they lived so far North that in the summer the sun never set and in the winter the sun never rose. The teaching man sent his daughter to deliver the boxes. With these boxes the world of the people of Raven grew smaller, and their reach across that world grew larger.
Raven often visited the teaching man, sitting high in a tree by his house, croaking and cackling as he watched over this friend who helped make the world smaller. Raven wondered at the man's patience and caring. Raven admired his dedication to his children and his children's children and in time, even their children.
One day, the teaching man began to feel the weight of his wise years. Raven noticed that the man walked less and had to sit more, yet still the man cared and taught and he would even take sweats in a tee-pee next to his house, to talk to Raven and the other spirits. Raven smiled, knowing that the man was a wonderful man, but a man nonetheless, and that his time grew short on the earth.
Raven decided, as this man's time on earth waned, that he would wake the volcano to commemorate the greatness of the teaching man. Flapping his mighty wings, Raven flew down to the volcano and spoke to it of the great love which the teaching man shared with his family. The volcano awoke and began to shudder with tears, for the words of Raven about the teaching man touched his heart. As Raven left, the volcano promised that it would commemorate the teaching man appropriately, and the ash from his tears as they roiled inside the mountain began to kiss the sky of the world of men in commemoration of the waning of the teaching man.
This is why, whenever a great friend of Raven begins to pass, the volcano awakes and begins to mourn, and even the snow which falls from the sky carries a gray pallor. Because Raven gave the gift of his memory of the teaching man, Raymond, to his friend the volcano as Raymond's life began to slip away from his body. This is why Mt. Redoubt is erupting and showering the people with ashes. Soon, Raymond's ashes will join those of the volcano and the Raven will enjoy his friend's company forever.
Grandfather, I love you and I thank you for the years of wisdom you shared with me. I pray that I can touch as many lives during my life as you have during yours.
Joaquin
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